Loading ...Flori-suck
July 30, 2009
You know it is pretty fucking lame when you can’t even marry a porn star with 15-year-old triplets anymore. The beach town of Fort Meyers, FL town manager Scott Janke was allegedly fired because he married porn star Jazella Moore. That pretty much ruins my life plans to join the school board and marry Madison Scott if people are so fuckin uptight about it. Those goons must have too much sand in the vag. On a side note, how the fuck does she look that good being 45, getting porked everyday for a job and having triplets? Seriously dude how?
Who likes porn? Women do
July 30, 2009
Hey so apparently more women like porn now according to CNN. Check out the article and tell us about it cause we didn’t bother reading it. There are too many words there and I can’t jack off or stick my dick in words so i didn’t read it. Maybe I could fuck words if they are written all over a hawt naked skank. Wait I saw that back in college at a raging party with some drunk chick. Score!
Adult Arcade
July 27, 2009
Found the most kick ass claw machine in the world this weekend after a wedding. Yep we even do weddings sleazy. Yeah you saw that right, porn right next to a big bird stuffed animal. Wait and even a dido buried on the bottom. Dude that’s Christmas shopping for the whole family right thar.
THS PSA: Should You Wear a Condom?
July 15, 2009
So you meet some chick at a party and are making out with her on the couch. You want to stick it in her but the big question pops into your head, should I wear a rubber? Condoms are kinda expensive and in these hard economic times you have to save every penny you have, but the HIV can be even more expensive. Plus condoms make your dick look funny and take away all the awesomeness that comes with good old long dick fuckin. Well just check out the flowchart fuckstick and see if you need to wrap it before you tap it.
Porn is so legit
July 14, 2009
You can’t get more legit then your own special on cable TV bitches. CNBC will be airing a special on porn 7.15.09 titled “Porn: Business or Pleasure. It will even contain mature sexual content. Hell yeah bewbs on CNBC. I think they are trying to make shit over complicated. Here is how the porn works. Fuck + Internet = Profit. Easy as that, no need to make a special on it.
Dick on dick crimes
July 14, 2009
Some psycho drunk chick got pissed at her boyfriend. Fight ensues. She beats the fuck out of him with her pink dildo. LOL. She reportedly “began poking” him “in the groin area multiple times”. What is more embarrassing then getting a bruised dick from a dildo fight? Oh yeah getting your name plastered all over the Internet because of it dumb ass. You are now crowned the dumb ass of the week John Anthony Gonzales. You should have just shut the fuck up dude and taken the dick beating.
Hippocrates!
July 10, 2009
In the US, the most conservative states consume the most porn, according to a Harvard Business School study. In fact, Utah (yeah, fucking Mormon country) is the highest per-capita consumer. What this means is that religion makes you want to watch porn. It also means that conservative people are really just closet sex junkies. I know I know, you’ll never look at your teacher/coworker/mom/priest the same ever again.
No script? No shit!
July 10, 2009
So the New York Times caught wind of the fact that fewer and fewer porns are actually scripted these days, and wrote an entire story on it. Whatever. It’s just funny because we’ve actually impromptu scripted porns before. It went down like this…
Video camera guy: “Ok, we have an office setting and some lingere. What’s the story?”
Us: “She’s coming in to interview for a job as a lingere model. And she really wants the job.”
Video camera guy to porn stars: “Ok, she’s interviewing for a lingere model job. She’ll do anything to get it. Start fucking on the desk, move to the floor, finish up in the chair. Action!”
It’s just that easy people. No one wants to see dialog for more than 2 minutes unless a part of the female anatomy is exposed. Porns aren’t about the stories. If you want a story, go fucking watch Harry Potter with a dry dick.
The Worlds Stongest Snatch
July 10, 2009
Holy shit! This skanky mom’s snatch can lift over 30 lbs. Dude, that’s like as much as a 3 year old, or a 40 year old midget, or even all the plastic in Michael Jackson’s face. Too soon? Fuck it, we don’t care. Nothing screams class more then a chick in a shiny gold outfit with a 30lb glass ball hanging from her snatch. I would hate to be the unknowing dude to get his dick crushed by her when that beast tenses up from the big O. So what does it take for a chick to get to that point? 15 fucking years of training in the ancient are of Dao with custom glass balls in her pussy.
Prescription to Watch Pussy Eating?
July 8, 2009
So Ukraine decided it would be a kick ass idea to ban porn. No wonder why people have been trying to wack their president Viktor Yushchenko. What’s next douche, banning me from shaving my pubes? If you get caught checking out some newds you can face fines and up to three years and jail. BAHAHA! Seriously, can’t make this shit up. What is so wrong with me watching two chicks stabbing each other with assorted dildos? Seems like art to me. But pornography can be kept “for medical purposes”. Oh man I think the whole country just came down with a fever and the only prescription is more pussy eating club.
Kayden Kross Gets Off…Kinda
July 2, 2009
Not like that, you perv. Kayden Kross was indicted in September on felony counts of grand theft and real estate fraud, but now the grand theft charge has been dismissed, and and the real estate fraud charge was reduced to a misdemeanor. Yup. We think we know how she “worked the system” (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge). Not like that, you perv.
Talk dirty to me
July 2, 2009
The picture is like a cock, if you rub and touch the image it gets bigger. Come on do it sexy!
No, we aren’t talking about the band Poison. We are a porn blog, plus Brett Michaels has the worst sex tape ever and is the reason TV blows. Getting back to the point. Everyone loves to talk dirty in bed and be talked dirty to. You made that mistake of whispering “Hail Satan!” or “I’m going to pound the farts out of you” in her ear once. So we all could use some help with the bedroom talk, but reading sucks a nut. Normally you’d be shit out of luck, unless you have a motha fucking chart for it! Hell yea brah! Pretty much the best chart ever.
